Adam,
This week’s article hit close to home. With 3 grown children, each with very different financial circumstances, we’ve had to navigate some interesting challenges. It reminds of the saying that all major decisions are half based on rational thinking and half on Shakespeare (personal drama).
Thanks for the timely article. I'm convinced launching kids unto the world has to be the hardest (and most under appreciated) part of parenting. We're finally empty nesters, about 13 years after we might have guessed. We have 3 kids who we've helped in different ways. The oldest graduated from college during the Great Recession, so he came back to live with us for a couple of years while he got his feet on the ground. Despite having a very different career path than expected, he's ended up in a nice place. The middle kid, seeing what his older brother was going through, did everything in his power to not have to return home. He took some unusual jobs in the process, married his college girlfriend and started a family. Our youngest, while starting college, suffered a mental health condition requiring our support to complete her degree (it ended up taking about 8 years to finish). Afterwards, while working in her first full-time job, she was struck with a neurological disorder which prevented her from continuing to hold a job. We were looking at the her possibly having her at home for the long run. After a 3 year process, she was approved for social security disability insurance. In an unexpected turn, last fall, our middle son had a discussion with us about the time they were having their second child. His family was outgrowing their 2-bedroom apartment, and were looking for a house to buy. Real estate in their area was far beyond their reach. My wife and I decided to gift them their down payment, and my son and daughter-in-law invited our daughter to live with them. Our daughter is viewing this opportunity as a stepping stone towards more independent living, as that area has broader social services assistance than we have here. In hindsight, I think it's been helpful to be candid and transparent with all 3 kids with our finances and how we've been able to assist each of them. They in turn, have helped each other as they can.
We retired just over 2 years ago, so I'm beginning to see how accurate my guess on our spending would be. Although some expenditures went up or down, the overall is pretty close to what we used spend while working. Go figure, current behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. This works for us since we had planned for such case.
My biggest security unknown was how much income would I need for retirement? There seemed to be hundreds of advise articles and books with answers. I ended up using a premise from my job in manufacturing. The premise is when looking at a process, where human behavior, machine time and organization of flow influence the overall time, the one thing that you shouldn't try to change is human behavior. Behavior is the hardest thing to change. I took that lesson for our spending behavior. So, instead of trying to follow a budget (which both my wife and I are terrible at), I tracked our monthly spending over a few years, and realized we're pretty consistent over the long term. I figured our behavior wouldn't change after retirement, so that became the income goal. Since retiring 3 years ago, I still track monthly spending. Some categories have changed, but the overall sum is still pretty close. I feel secure because the biggest variable is travel (around 25%), which is purely discretionary. Travel has become the one item that we truly discuss as a budget item each year. Seems to be working.
The responses so far have been wide ranging and interesting. Nice prompt! 1- My personality lends to a higher degree risk tolerance for investments, which fortunately is supported by having a military pension (25 years). My wife prefers more certainty, and doesn't want to run out of money, especially if I die first. As a compromise, 6 years ago we went from DIY to a financial adviser, who's been very helpful in a wide range of financial decisions, as well as having an outsider's perspective. We both sleep better as a result. 2- The biggest satisfaction (joy?) has been giving it away. We have 3 grown kids (in their 30s). Our younger son has 2 high-need kids, and they no longer fit in their apartment, so we've been able to contribute to a down payment for a house, that he'll be able to afford the mortgage. Our daughter became disabled 4 years ago, and cannot work anymore. We could afford to have her move in with us while her disability status worked its way through social security (she was designated SSDI last year). Once again, we've been able to help her move in with her brother (the new house needed to fit all of them). Although you never want to be confronted with mishaps, it's a comfort to know that when they happen, your financial picture isn't a constraint. 3- Our nest egg is really a bridge to get us from retirement (it started 2 years ago) to when I turn 70, in 9 years. At that point the military pension and social security will be more than our current/expected expenses. So 0% growth means a smaller estate. 5- We feel lucky that we have enough. 6- I retired 2 years ago. The biggest joy has been owning my time and deciding how to spend it. I'm not a "Purpose" type person, but do value what I do, so you can say I'm a lower case "p". I'm aware of the importance of maintaining or growing social groups, hobbies, exercise and nutrition. My calendar reflects these priorities. The other thing of note is volunteering: I didn't have a big plan of what to do when I retired, but have gradually have found my callings over these 2 years. 7- The big take aways from my wife and my parents has been their denial of needing care as they aged. My parents live in a 2-story townhome, when they should be moving into a retirement community. Of course, they don't want to live with a bunch of "old people". Recent health concerns simply means my brother and I are watching their choices becoming a slow motion train wreck; *sigh*. We're already thinking that we'll want to move nearer to one of our kids, and into a retirement community in about 10 years. Grandkids or the need to leave our current location (we're above 7K feet), may drive the decision earlier. In any case, we don't want to burden our kids in the same way our parents are choosing. We should be able to self-fund any longterm care. 8- When my wife's father died, the estate was a mess. It took 3 years for her and two brothers to search and closeout everything. Consequently, we tried to be completely transparent with all our finances and planning with the 3 kids. Also, because of our daughter's disability, we've created a living trust where she's not a beneficiary, but would be looked after by either of her brothers via the trust. Also, we've brought them in to establish a personal relationship with our financial advisor. Who knows, my wife and I might get hit by the same bus!
I was the DIY financial person in our marriage for 30+ years until about 5 years ago. That's when my wife's father died and his kids had to sort through all the finances left behind. My wife doesn't want to deal with ours (if I go first), nor leave it for our kids to deal with. We found a local fiduciary wealth advisor (harder than expected, since we live a mountain town in the west) who we both like and trust. I view his fee structure in a similar vein as I look at insurance costs: I'm paying for a continuing service after I'm gone and we sleep better at night. There's been several unexpected benefits too. Having a third set of "eyes" looking at our finances has subtly changed our behavior (somehow we're saving more and spending less). We've also used him in bouncing financial ideas (for example, using inherited money to pay off a mortgage and timing of retirement). Additionally, we have had introductory meetings with the advisor and our adult kids, where they now know what we have and what our plans are. We've been completely transparent with them on our finances, as there's a living trust involved and one of our kids is disabled.
Maybe a little long quote, but I found this interesting story in John Bogle’s book, Don’t Count on It: At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, the late Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, author Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel, Catch-22, over its whole history. Heller responds, “Yes, but I have something he will never have – enough.”
I'm not crazy about how the question includes the word "should." However, last check, stocks abroad are 26% of my portfolio, which means it's about half of what I have in domestic stocks.
Comments
Adam, This week’s article hit close to home. With 3 grown children, each with very different financial circumstances, we’ve had to navigate some interesting challenges. It reminds of the saying that all major decisions are half based on rational thinking and half on Shakespeare (personal drama).
Post: Navigating the Unknowns of Financial Decisions
Link to comment from September 13, 2025
Thanks for the timely article. I'm convinced launching kids unto the world has to be the hardest (and most under appreciated) part of parenting. We're finally empty nesters, about 13 years after we might have guessed. We have 3 kids who we've helped in different ways. The oldest graduated from college during the Great Recession, so he came back to live with us for a couple of years while he got his feet on the ground. Despite having a very different career path than expected, he's ended up in a nice place. The middle kid, seeing what his older brother was going through, did everything in his power to not have to return home. He took some unusual jobs in the process, married his college girlfriend and started a family. Our youngest, while starting college, suffered a mental health condition requiring our support to complete her degree (it ended up taking about 8 years to finish). Afterwards, while working in her first full-time job, she was struck with a neurological disorder which prevented her from continuing to hold a job. We were looking at the her possibly having her at home for the long run. After a 3 year process, she was approved for social security disability insurance. In an unexpected turn, last fall, our middle son had a discussion with us about the time they were having their second child. His family was outgrowing their 2-bedroom apartment, and were looking for a house to buy. Real estate in their area was far beyond their reach. My wife and I decided to gift them their down payment, and my son and daughter-in-law invited our daughter to live with them. Our daughter is viewing this opportunity as a stepping stone towards more independent living, as that area has broader social services assistance than we have here. In hindsight, I think it's been helpful to be candid and transparent with all 3 kids with our finances and how we've been able to assist each of them. They in turn, have helped each other as they can.
Post: Family Dynamics, Part 2: Supporting Adult Children
Link to comment from July 27, 2025
We retired just over 2 years ago, so I'm beginning to see how accurate my guess on our spending would be. Although some expenditures went up or down, the overall is pretty close to what we used spend while working. Go figure, current behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. This works for us since we had planned for such case.
Post: Quinn asks. What is your experience or expectation for a change in spending upon retirement?
Link to comment from June 27, 2025
My biggest security unknown was how much income would I need for retirement? There seemed to be hundreds of advise articles and books with answers. I ended up using a premise from my job in manufacturing. The premise is when looking at a process, where human behavior, machine time and organization of flow influence the overall time, the one thing that you shouldn't try to change is human behavior. Behavior is the hardest thing to change. I took that lesson for our spending behavior. So, instead of trying to follow a budget (which both my wife and I are terrible at), I tracked our monthly spending over a few years, and realized we're pretty consistent over the long term. I figured our behavior wouldn't change after retirement, so that became the income goal. Since retiring 3 years ago, I still track monthly spending. Some categories have changed, but the overall sum is still pretty close. I feel secure because the biggest variable is travel (around 25%), which is purely discretionary. Travel has become the one item that we truly discuss as a budget item each year. Seems to be working.
Post: Feeling Secure
Link to comment from May 3, 2025
The responses so far have been wide ranging and interesting. Nice prompt! 1- My personality lends to a higher degree risk tolerance for investments, which fortunately is supported by having a military pension (25 years). My wife prefers more certainty, and doesn't want to run out of money, especially if I die first. As a compromise, 6 years ago we went from DIY to a financial adviser, who's been very helpful in a wide range of financial decisions, as well as having an outsider's perspective. We both sleep better as a result. 2- The biggest satisfaction (joy?) has been giving it away. We have 3 grown kids (in their 30s). Our younger son has 2 high-need kids, and they no longer fit in their apartment, so we've been able to contribute to a down payment for a house, that he'll be able to afford the mortgage. Our daughter became disabled 4 years ago, and cannot work anymore. We could afford to have her move in with us while her disability status worked its way through social security (she was designated SSDI last year). Once again, we've been able to help her move in with her brother (the new house needed to fit all of them). Although you never want to be confronted with mishaps, it's a comfort to know that when they happen, your financial picture isn't a constraint. 3- Our nest egg is really a bridge to get us from retirement (it started 2 years ago) to when I turn 70, in 9 years. At that point the military pension and social security will be more than our current/expected expenses. So 0% growth means a smaller estate. 5- We feel lucky that we have enough. 6- I retired 2 years ago. The biggest joy has been owning my time and deciding how to spend it. I'm not a "Purpose" type person, but do value what I do, so you can say I'm a lower case "p". I'm aware of the importance of maintaining or growing social groups, hobbies, exercise and nutrition. My calendar reflects these priorities. The other thing of note is volunteering: I didn't have a big plan of what to do when I retired, but have gradually have found my callings over these 2 years. 7- The big take aways from my wife and my parents has been their denial of needing care as they aged. My parents live in a 2-story townhome, when they should be moving into a retirement community. Of course, they don't want to live with a bunch of "old people". Recent health concerns simply means my brother and I are watching their choices becoming a slow motion train wreck; *sigh*. We're already thinking that we'll want to move nearer to one of our kids, and into a retirement community in about 10 years. Grandkids or the need to leave our current location (we're above 7K feet), may drive the decision earlier. In any case, we don't want to burden our kids in the same way our parents are choosing. We should be able to self-fund any longterm care. 8- When my wife's father died, the estate was a mess. It took 3 years for her and two brothers to search and closeout everything. Consequently, we tried to be completely transparent with all our finances and planning with the 3 kids. Also, because of our daughter's disability, we've created a living trust where she's not a beneficiary, but would be looked after by either of her brothers via the trust. Also, we've brought them in to establish a personal relationship with our financial advisor. Who knows, my wife and I might get hit by the same bus!
Post: Ask Me a Tough One
Link to comment from April 19, 2025
I was the DIY financial person in our marriage for 30+ years until about 5 years ago. That's when my wife's father died and his kids had to sort through all the finances left behind. My wife doesn't want to deal with ours (if I go first), nor leave it for our kids to deal with. We found a local fiduciary wealth advisor (harder than expected, since we live a mountain town in the west) who we both like and trust. I view his fee structure in a similar vein as I look at insurance costs: I'm paying for a continuing service after I'm gone and we sleep better at night. There's been several unexpected benefits too. Having a third set of "eyes" looking at our finances has subtly changed our behavior (somehow we're saving more and spending less). We've also used him in bouncing financial ideas (for example, using inherited money to pay off a mortgage and timing of retirement). Additionally, we have had introductory meetings with the advisor and our adult kids, where they now know what we have and what our plans are. We've been completely transparent with them on our finances, as there's a living trust involved and one of our kids is disabled.
Post: Finding a flat-fee financial advisor
Link to comment from October 22, 2024
Maybe a little long quote, but I found this interesting story in John Bogle’s book, Don’t Count on It: At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, the late Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, author Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel, Catch-22, over its whole history. Heller responds, “Yes, but I have something he will never have – enough.”
Post: What’s your favorite financial quote?
Link to comment from April 15, 2023
I'm not crazy about how the question includes the word "should." However, last check, stocks abroad are 26% of my portfolio, which means it's about half of what I have in domestic stocks.
Post: What percentage of a stock portfolio should be invested abroad?
Link to comment from April 15, 2023
The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housal. Probably the only one I've reread several times.
Post: What’s the best financial book you’ve ever read?
Link to comment from April 15, 2023