In my first career (I went back to school in my 40's and got a PhD in business and moved on to college teaching) I took juvenile delinquents canoeing across the state of Florida (and also worked with other populations in outdoor adventure and on tall ships where I got various USGS coast guard licenses - getting those licenses was not common for a woman to do at that point in time). That job taught me a life long skill (that I had to learn the hard way) that I am very grateful to have learned - how not to let others trigger me. That has helped me raise a very troubled kid adopted at 10. She screamed at me once, "I hate it when you use your calm voice when I am trying to make you mad" (I had to work very hard not to laugh). It was helpful when students would try to push buttons when they hated grading decisions or me enforcing late work decisions (that were in writing in the syllabus) as they wanted to be able to then complain about me and my reaction to them in those discussions to the department chair and hopefully get him to overturn my decision, get me in trouble, etc. While learning how not to be triggered doesn't change the reality of others behaving like jerks or worse (and the behavior of others often says more about them than about me) it has saved me a lot of emotional distress, increased my ability to ignore that crap without getting upset or taking it personally, and I am a lot happier because of that (and yes I sometimes still can have buttons pushed but not very often), While in a voting system if there are a majority of downvotes that may make me reconsider if I am the problem here/am wrong/whatever, I look at the preponderance of evidence and shrug and the minority view. If there are comments where a downvoter (the forum I am on where I post a lot you can see who up or downvoted) says something that causes me to rethink what I am thinking then I am (usually) grateful even if how they did it is problematic (although I may sigh at their childish behavior). It's not right for people to behave in ways to try to hurt the feelings of others, but then again there are a fair number of people in this world who behave in childish ways, are troubled... and that is not my problem (unless they have power over me or I have to interact with them frequently) that is their problem. And fortunately somehow I have learned how to shrug off most of that kind of behavior. For that I am very grateful and that lesson I learned in a very painful, hard way has been very useful. I was very lucky to have learned it.
Yes. And depending on who controls it and how the trust is written it can set up an inherent conflict of interest. If the person controlling the money stands to inherit what is left the have, if they are not ethical and don't have the best interests of the person involved in mind, they will not spend the money on the beneficiary's needs so they get more after that person has died.
These can be abused by family members so be very, very careful. You need to be very careful who controls an irrevocable trust. They could deny you (if you are the one subjected to the inheritance that way) or your intended recipient, the use of the money. Our family is gong through that right now. My mom decided to leave her money to my two sisters in a regular trust and to me in one of these. She left my sister in charge and they have made comments over the years of "you deserve to be homeless" (I had gotten cancer in grad school, dad decided to help me paying a part of my rent as student health insurance had unlimited out of pocket and I had to take out substantial loans to pay for medical care; dad helping me is what prompted my two sisters to make that comment). My two sisters will inherit this when I die (so an inherent conflict of interest) and so far have refused to allow me to withdraw anything. Even when the trust says I can do it for specific purposes and it was for those purposes I wanted to withdraw the money. The trust also says if anyone contests this then they are treated as dead and lose their inheritance. What was ironic is the trust was written when I had finished my PhD, was an assistant professor for 18 months and so wouldn't be using public services ever again (I had SNAP prior to then when I had cancer but couldn't get medicaid as i was a student thus a ton of student loans public and private). My SS alone is higher than the limits for any public services, let alone adding in RMD's. The trust was written from the point of view of making sure I still had assets if I had public services except I will never qualify for them and my sisters are refusing to allow me to spend any of the money. What this has effectively done is cut me out of any family inheritance and meant that my sisters will get my share because if I contest anything about it I automatically lose the money. Don't do that to your family. You may be unaware of the way family will behave when significant money is involved after your death. Make sure whomever administers the irrevocable trust will not benefit if any money is left and has no incentive to mistreat the recipient by denying them funds. Family dynamics can be very destructive and parents may not be aware of them.
One issue with medicaid paying for your nursing home care is they take (the amount varies by state) all your money and income each month and leave you with very little to pay for things like toothpaste, clothes, adult diapers if you need them, med or doctor copays (and yes with medicaid in most states you still have that although the amount is small), any gifts you want to give for birthday's or whatever, etc. In my state they leave you with $66/mo. That is not enough for even the basics and someone has to pay. That someone will be your family. This is where having access to more money to pay for this kind of stuff is helpful.
Comments
In my first career (I went back to school in my 40's and got a PhD in business and moved on to college teaching) I took juvenile delinquents canoeing across the state of Florida (and also worked with other populations in outdoor adventure and on tall ships where I got various USGS coast guard licenses - getting those licenses was not common for a woman to do at that point in time). That job taught me a life long skill (that I had to learn the hard way) that I am very grateful to have learned - how not to let others trigger me. That has helped me raise a very troubled kid adopted at 10. She screamed at me once, "I hate it when you use your calm voice when I am trying to make you mad" (I had to work very hard not to laugh). It was helpful when students would try to push buttons when they hated grading decisions or me enforcing late work decisions (that were in writing in the syllabus) as they wanted to be able to then complain about me and my reaction to them in those discussions to the department chair and hopefully get him to overturn my decision, get me in trouble, etc. While learning how not to be triggered doesn't change the reality of others behaving like jerks or worse (and the behavior of others often says more about them than about me) it has saved me a lot of emotional distress, increased my ability to ignore that crap without getting upset or taking it personally, and I am a lot happier because of that (and yes I sometimes still can have buttons pushed but not very often), While in a voting system if there are a majority of downvotes that may make me reconsider if I am the problem here/am wrong/whatever, I look at the preponderance of evidence and shrug and the minority view. If there are comments where a downvoter (the forum I am on where I post a lot you can see who up or downvoted) says something that causes me to rethink what I am thinking then I am (usually) grateful even if how they did it is problematic (although I may sigh at their childish behavior). It's not right for people to behave in ways to try to hurt the feelings of others, but then again there are a fair number of people in this world who behave in childish ways, are troubled... and that is not my problem (unless they have power over me or I have to interact with them frequently) that is their problem. And fortunately somehow I have learned how to shrug off most of that kind of behavior. For that I am very grateful and that lesson I learned in a very painful, hard way has been very useful. I was very lucky to have learned it.
Post: Where are the ladies?
Link to comment from March 28, 2026
Yes. And depending on who controls it and how the trust is written it can set up an inherent conflict of interest. If the person controlling the money stands to inherit what is left the have, if they are not ethical and don't have the best interests of the person involved in mind, they will not spend the money on the beneficiary's needs so they get more after that person has died.
Post: Medicaid Asset Protection Trusts (MAPTs)
Link to comment from March 28, 2026
These can be abused by family members so be very, very careful. You need to be very careful who controls an irrevocable trust. They could deny you (if you are the one subjected to the inheritance that way) or your intended recipient, the use of the money. Our family is gong through that right now. My mom decided to leave her money to my two sisters in a regular trust and to me in one of these. She left my sister in charge and they have made comments over the years of "you deserve to be homeless" (I had gotten cancer in grad school, dad decided to help me paying a part of my rent as student health insurance had unlimited out of pocket and I had to take out substantial loans to pay for medical care; dad helping me is what prompted my two sisters to make that comment). My two sisters will inherit this when I die (so an inherent conflict of interest) and so far have refused to allow me to withdraw anything. Even when the trust says I can do it for specific purposes and it was for those purposes I wanted to withdraw the money. The trust also says if anyone contests this then they are treated as dead and lose their inheritance. What was ironic is the trust was written when I had finished my PhD, was an assistant professor for 18 months and so wouldn't be using public services ever again (I had SNAP prior to then when I had cancer but couldn't get medicaid as i was a student thus a ton of student loans public and private). My SS alone is higher than the limits for any public services, let alone adding in RMD's. The trust was written from the point of view of making sure I still had assets if I had public services except I will never qualify for them and my sisters are refusing to allow me to spend any of the money. What this has effectively done is cut me out of any family inheritance and meant that my sisters will get my share because if I contest anything about it I automatically lose the money. Don't do that to your family. You may be unaware of the way family will behave when significant money is involved after your death. Make sure whomever administers the irrevocable trust will not benefit if any money is left and has no incentive to mistreat the recipient by denying them funds. Family dynamics can be very destructive and parents may not be aware of them.
Post: Medicaid Asset Protection Trusts (MAPTs)
Link to comment from March 28, 2026
One issue with medicaid paying for your nursing home care is they take (the amount varies by state) all your money and income each month and leave you with very little to pay for things like toothpaste, clothes, adult diapers if you need them, med or doctor copays (and yes with medicaid in most states you still have that although the amount is small), any gifts you want to give for birthday's or whatever, etc. In my state they leave you with $66/mo. That is not enough for even the basics and someone has to pay. That someone will be your family. This is where having access to more money to pay for this kind of stuff is helpful.
Post: Medicaid Asset Protection Trusts (MAPTs)
Link to comment from March 28, 2026